Negative People: Why Are Some People Always Negative?

What is clear that is that life is not always a bed of roses: there are ups and downs and sometimes, there can be more downs than ups. For some people, there will be more ups than there are downs, but for others, the downs will outweigh the ups.

One might then come to the conclusion that one some people are luckier or more fortunate than others. And when this opinion is based purely on what is happening externally, it can seem accurate and what is true.

However, if one was to look within someone and see what is taking place there, they might soon see that there is a reason why they are experiencing more ups than downs. Or why they are able to see life in a positive light even though life hasn't always gone their way.

Different Types

So life is made up of different types of people and some people can come across as always being positive and happy and others can come across as always being negative and unhappy.

There will also be people who swing between the two and don't seem to stay in either option for very long. But whether one feels positive or negative, it will be a combination of what is happening externally and what is happening internally.

The Mind

In the external world, certain things can take place that cause one to feel positive, and at other times, things can happen that make one feel negative. But while the external world can play a big part in how one thinks and feels, so can their mind.

What takes place externally is interpreted by the mind and the interpretation that is made will play a part in ones thoughts and feelings. And it works the other way to; with ones thoughts and feelings impacting what happens to them externally.

Extremes

Being positive all the time might be seen as being better than being negative all the time, and yet there are going to be down sides to this. One might be admired by some, but end up being labelled as being in denial by others.

And as life is not always pleasant, one would have to be in denial to always be positive. The mind works in polarities, so as a way to avoid pain, it can end up going to the other extreme. Therefore, one can end up needing to always be happy and positive as a way to avoid how they truly feel.

Based on this, always being positive or always begin negative are simply two sides of the same coin. One person is simply embracing how they feel and think and what is taking place externally, and another is doing all they can to avoid what is taking place.

Survival

When it comes to ones survival as a human being, focusing on what is negative is more important than focusing on what is positive. Placing ones attention on what makes them feel good might be pleasurable, but it is not necessarily going to ensure their survival.

Whereas, if one pays attention what is negative and therefore what is or what could be a threat to their survival, they are more likely to avid it and stay alive. This ability is surely one of the reasons why human beings have survived for as long as they have.

So it is in the interest of ones survival to focus on what is negative. However, it is easy for one to place their attention on what is negative, even when their survival is not under threat. And what we focus on grows, so it is important to monitor the minds tendency to focus on what is negative.

Stuck

If ones attention if placed completely on what is negative and they are unable to see life in any other way, then this can be a sign that they are emotionally stuck. This is the world of duality and while there are 'bad' things, there are also 'good' things.

And while one can end up always being positive, as a way to avoid facing how they feel, they can also end up always being negative due to not consciously facing how they feel. So whether one is always positive or always negative, they are still being controlled by their trapped feelings.

Consequences

These will then define how one thinks and their behaviour, as well as define their perceptions and this will then end up influencing their reality. The people they attract into their life and are attracted to, as well as the situations they find themselves in, will also reflect how they feel.

How one feels shapes their outer world and then their outer world ends up influencing how they feel on the inside. It also works the other way around; with ones external reality affecting their inner world.

If one is already full of negativity, it won't take much to put them into a negative state; that's if they are not already in one. And if one is fairly neutral within, there is going to be less chance of what is happening externally to have an impact on how they feel.

Trapped Emotions

When one has trapped emotions in their body, it is going to be a challenge for them to experience life in a way that is not negative. These feelings will influence their inner world and influence their outer world; so it can be hard for them to detach form what is happening and to see that they have become trapped in a cycle.

The following emotions can be trapped in one's body: grief, shame, powerlessness, hopelessness, rejection, abandonment and guilt, amongst others.

Awareness

As these are released, one will feel different and therefore their thoughts and behaviour will change. And this inner change will gradually have an impact on ones outer reality. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be required.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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20 Tips and Tools to Develop Your Self-Esteem

Self Esteem can grow and develop in the same way you grow a physical muscle. It needs practice and repetition. When you go to the gym and exercise, you do it regularly and repeatedly, until one day you will notice the difference in the physical shape of your body. This is the same for developing any emotional/personality skill. Only here you practice mental /emotional exercise instead of physical exercise, but the results are the same.
Self-esteem is about choosing to accept ourselves in spite of any insufficiencies and failures. It is a mental choice. It is important to realize the benefits of promoting healthy self-esteem that lead to mental well-being, resilience and assertiveness.
It is worth repeating the fact that your own thoughts perhaps have the biggest impact on your self-esteem, and these thoughts are within your control.
20 Tips & TOOLS:
1-Change Your Thoughts:
Higher self esteem starts when you change your thinking. It starts when you realize that it is possible, and within your own abilities. The fact that your self-esteem is low means that you had learned or you conditioned yourself by repetition, to see yourself with low self-esteem. This same fact also means by the same process of learning you can learn, or actually re-learn, to reverse this type of learning and instead learn a new pattern of thinking. Learn to see yourself with higher self-esteem.
2- Reverse Triggers of Low Self Esteem:
Whenever we hear criticism or feel bad about something wrong we did, we tend to personalize this experience as negative and therefore, start to develop low self-esteem. This pattern must be reversed by focusing instead on positive things. Start by focusing on positive aspects of yourself that outweighs those negative thoughts. Reflect on mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable, and everyone does mistakes. You can reframe your negative thoughts and adopt positive thinking. The moment you begin to develop low self-esteem about anything, stop and say:" No, I am not going to accept this negative thought about myself. I can see the good in me". Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
3-Avoid Situations and Institutions that Undermine Self-Esteem:
Avoid negative people because they are not good for you. Avoid loud and aggressive people if you are timid. Negative people have negative energy that can reflect on you. According to Brian Tracy "Avoid negative people at all costs. They are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self-esteem."
4-Write Goals as SMART, and Make Sure That You Really Want to Achieve These Goals:
Think about what you'd like to accomplish, and then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress. According to Thomas Carlyle:" Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment."
5-Use Relaxation & Stress Management Techniques: Meditation & relaxation are very important for our lives, even for our self-esteem. These techniques will promote positive hormones in your body, including serotonin that will stimulate good mood and feeling good about yourself.
6- Use Positive Affirmations:
These are short positive statements about yourself. By continually repeating affirmations with conviction and passion, you will overcome the strongest resistance. Saying to yourself "I totally accept myself"," I like myself", "I can appreciate myself", over and over, can build your self-esteem. Repeat this several times every day.
7-Each Day, Write Down Three Things About Yourself That Make You Happy:
Write a daily journal about good things you did. Write about your passions. Write about small goals or tasks that keep your motivation high. Write the compliments that you have received as well. Write your daily diary. Reminding yourself of all your assets is a sure confidence booster.
8- Aim for Accomplishments Rather Than Perfection:
Perfection should not be a goal. Think of your ability, not of what you can't achieve.
9- Change Your Physiology:
Work out and exercise regularly. Physical exercise will improve your physical appearance. Your physical health is directly and positively linked to your emotional health. Substantial research supports the theory that good health can lead to good emotions. When you exercise you'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier. Exercise produces endorphins that help you feel better.
10- Find a Counselor:
Counselors and therapists have different tools to handle deep stress and other emotional problems. It's never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can require the help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist. These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love themselves and realize what's unique and special about them.
11- Future Pace:
Look into the future, sometime like 6 months from now, one year, or 2 years into the future, and imagine yourself having high self-esteem. Imagine surviving big challenges, which will make you stronger and more resilient. We face self-doubt. We even sometimes face despair. These are the fires that temper our inner steel, giving us confidence that, when we face pain that may come in the future, we are capable of surviving. This knowledge in turn gives us a greater sense of self-esteem.
12- Talk And Express Yourself:
Talk to a close friend about this issue. Don't be afraid to tell what is inside you. Join self-help groups & support groups. Subscribe to forums that have relevant support groups.
13- Personal History: Although the process is comprehensive and takes some time, here I want you to practice the simple part of it. Go back to your past, to one event that caused you mild pain and low self-esteem. Stop at that incident and ask yourself: what do I learn from this event? This new learning will enable you to get rid of that negative emotion associated with that event. The learning has to be positive, about yourself and for the future. This learning will enable you to disconnect with that experience, to be free emotionally from that negative experience. Do this technique only if the experience is mild and not severe. If it is severe, called a severe emotional experience (SEE), please don't do this exercise unless under the supervision of a master therapist. All you need is to remember the event and associate a new learning with it.
14- Pretend That You Already Have High Self Esteem:
Stand up straight and walk with your head up. Raise your chin 3 cm when you walk up. This stance will increase your sense of self-value. You'll make a positive impression on yourself and others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
15- Reward Yourself When You Succeed:
Treat yourself to something nice. Rewarding yourself will keep your motivation high.
16- Stop Comparing Yourself with Others:
Unfair comparisons are damaging to self-esteem. Low-self esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. Inferiority is marginal. Stop comparing yourself with others and only measure your success by your own criteria based on your abilities and available options.
17- Take Advantage of Workshops, Books and Download Programs on Self-Esteem:
Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read bad news; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
18- Take Good Care of Your Appearance:
Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
19 - Learn Something New:
Develop a sense of curiosity. Learning is about growing. Try to learn a new hobby or a new skill or whatever is interesting to you. When you learn something new, you would feel better and more fulfilled.
20- Do Something Physical:
Get out of the house. Go for a walk. Clean out a closet. Visit the nature preserve. Go outdoor. Do some activities that keep you away from thinking all the time about yourself.
I know that you can change your self and have healthy self-esteem, but it is not as easy as I portrayed it. It will take time, and needs patience and determination on your part. However, if you take action today, right now, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results. The results may come easier and faster than you may think.
Good luck!

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Rejection: Why Do Some People Fear Rejection?

There are many fears that human beings can have and some of these are classed as real and parts of one's ability to survive and others are seen as self made and have very little to do with ones survival.

And the fear of rejection is often classed as a fear that is irrational and not based in reality. In most cases as an adult, it is unlikely that anything too harmful is going to happen if one is rejected. One's life is not likely to come to an end and they will live for another day.

But while this if often the case and nothing too harmful does take place, it is often irrelevant; because this fear can cause so many problems in someone's life. It can stop them from going towards what they truly want and need and cause them to stay where they are in life.

For these people, it is not a fear that is slightly distressing or has little impact on their life; it is something that is overwhelming. Their life is then defined and ruled by this the fear of rejection.

Frustration

On the surface this is going to have the potential to cause mild, to extreme frustration, anger and hopelessness. There will be some things in one's life that will be put off for a short time and there will be others that are forever put off.

Progress is then something that either happens on the odd occasion or it never happens. And one then ends up being stuck at a certain level of growth and development. To miss out on certain opportunities and chances could become the norm.

This could relate to some areas of one's life or cover just about every area. One is therefore unlikely to feel too empowered or connected to life and the world around them. To see other people go after what they want and get it, might be a common occurrence.

And further enhance their sense of despair and that they have no control over what they do or don't do.

Interpretation

Perhaps one thinks that they haven't got what it takes to go after what they want and that other people have something they don't have for instance. There could be people who tell them to move beyond their fear of rejection and while that sounds easier enough at an intellectual level, it is something that can be far from easy at an emotional level.

This could be a fear that is simply dismissed as just a feeling and that there is nothing more to it. And while it is intended to make one feel better about it and move beyond it, it can just result in them feeling weak and lacking something.

Genders

When it comes to women, this fear might be more acceptable than it is for men. For women it could be seen as understandable and therefore cause them to be given some kind of support or encouragement.

But for men, it could be seen as a sign or weakness and that the man lacks courage. So a woman could end up feeling that this is normal and a man could see it as something to be ashamed off.

Different Areas

And this is going to be something that can affect every area of one's life. If this doesn't relate to all areas and only relates to one, it might not be as bad. And yet at the same time, this one area could impact every other. So it won't necessarily matter how pervasive this is, what matters is how strong the fear of rejection is.

The key area is going to be relationships. And this one's relate to ones career, friends and relationships with the opposite sex. To move up in ones career or to ask for some kind of pay rise might be sabotaged through one fearing rejection.

And the same can apply to one asking for what they want and need in a relationship and speaking their truth. Perhaps one sees an attractive person that they want to talk to or who they know and would like to takes things further.

But in each in each of these situations, their fear of rejection takes over and nothing ever happens.

A Closer look

For the individual that has a fear of rejection that is overwhelming and out of balance, it is highly likely that it is more than just a feeling that they are experiencing. What it could be is a whole body experience and something that consumes them.

And when the feeling of rejection is being experienced or about to be experienced, there is going to be something more to it. Rejection is on the surface and is just one level; what is deeper than the fear of rejection, is that it will mean to this person to be rejected.

Emotional Age

Although one is physically an adult, it doesn't mean that they feel like one emotionally. And this is due to someone being emotionally stuck at a certain age or time in their life. So to look at rejection through the eyes of an adult, it becomes clear that generally nothing to troubling is going to happen.

And yet if one were to look at rejection through the eyes of a child, it is evident that rejection is a matter of life or death. To not receive the right nurturance and attention from ones caregiver, could have resulted in an experience or many experiences that were traumatic.

If these feelings were allowed to be released through their caregivers being emotional available, it wouldn't be a problem. However, if they are not dealt with, they could have stayed in one's body.

So although one physically grows, emotionally they can still feel like they did all those years ago. And whenever one is in a situation where they want something from another, these trapped feelings and emotions will rise up once again. It doesn't matter then what the other person does or doesn't do, as these feelings are inside one's body and will therefore be triggered in one way or another.

Awareness

To look at this logically, it is obvious that one is overreacting and yet if they are still carrying all this emotional pain form the past, then how else would they feel? To engage in self blame or to see oneself as lacking something, is not helpful and it is not accurate either.

They are simply acting in ways that are a consequence of what has built up within them and what needs to be realised from their body. These trapped feelings and emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who allows one to face them and gradually release them.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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Kick The Worry Habit - Jim Rohn

The brilliant Jim Rohn tells us how worry drove him to ill health and can be a killer of dreams, until he found his mentor Mr Earl Shoaff he was a slave to fear, do you have worry stoping you getting to where you want to go? Let Jim tell you his story and how to turn your emotions around by listening to this audiobook and don't let worry stop you achieving your goals and dreams because 90% of the things we worry about never happen!!

How to Allow More Financial Abundance and Prosperity In Your Life

A question I come across often from people who express doubts about the law of attraction is: If the law of attraction is a valid law, how is it that it does not seem to work for everyone? Armed with the various techniques they have been taught, such as visualising their abundant life, creating vision boards and using affirmations endlessly, some may have spent endless days and months trying to attract abundance and prosperity into their life, without much success. The short answer is: for the law of attraction to work you must put yourself in a state that allows abundance to flow to you easily, without interruption or hindrance.

The Power of Thought

The first thing to understand is that the key to manifesting abundance lies in your thoughts and what you focus on. Whether positive or negative, the law of attraction states that you attract whatever you think of most. Even thoughts of what you do not want will bring about more of the same, more of what you do not want.

The same applies when it comes to manifesting financial abundance. Manifesting financial abundance is a simple process, but it does not work for a lot of people because what they do is focus on their lack of money. Focusing on scarcity attracts more scarcity. Take as an example someone who is trying to get out of debt. By thinking and worrying about being in debt they actually create more debt, even if they may be taking practical steps to try and get out of debt.

Therefore one of the first steps to manifesting financial abundance is to be continually improving the way you think about money. Not only is it important to keep improving your thoughts about money, but it must be done in a very deliberate and consistent way. If, instead, you keep focusing on the things that worry you about money, or the many things you wish you had but you cannot have because of your lack of money, then you will just keep creating more of the same in your life. You may think you are focusing on money but you will actually be doing so in a negative way. Therefore, you should make sure you focus your thoughts on the positive aspects of money and abundance and not think about the things that bother you about your lack of it.

Living the Dream

However, it is not enough to simply improve the way you think about money. Another vital step to manifesting financial abundance is that you must truly believe it is possible to attract more abundance. This is very difficult when you are constantly preoccupied with thinking and dealing with life's problems, seemingly caused by your scarce financial resources. The way to overcome this lack of conviction is to see yourself as already living the life that will be when you have the things you want. By associating yourself with people who already have the things you want in life, through reading books and stories about their lives and surrounding yourself with visual reminders of such things, you in effect program your brain to believe it is truly possible.

In addition, in order to manifest financial abundance, it is important to keep yourself in a constant state of allowing, not just in relation to money, but in all areas of your life. Take a step back from the hustle and bustle of life and think about how you feel each day. If you find yourself in a state of such negative emotions as anxiety, anger and frustration, then that is a sure a sign that you are blocking abundance from flowing to you. In order to allow abundance, you need to be in a more positive, uplifted state of emotion because that is the only energy that is compatible with abundance. When you enter into a state of allowing you elevate your vibrational frequency to a level where you come into alignment with abundance. As a result, the abundance starts to flow to you easily. You develop a deep foundation of trust and belief that the universe will always provide for you, and that you have access to all of the abundance you could ever want. Allowing is not just thinking these things, but it involves feeling them deeply in your emotions.

Put yourself in a state of allowing more abundance in your life by clicking the link.

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Why You Won't Always Achieve Your Goals And Why That Is A Good Thing

No-one can guarantee that if you follow all the steps for setting and achieving goals that you will always achieve them. To have you believe so is dishonest. There are some goals that you really want with all your heart that you may never achieve. Why?

Reasons Why You Won't Achieve Some Goals

There are lots of reasons why people I have worked with have not achieved their goals, but these are the most common:

• It wasn't aligned with your values, so your heart wasn't really in it. In this case you would have struggled right from the start to find the energy and the motivation required to be successful with this goal.


• On your way to achieving your goal you became a different person and the original goal was no longer appropriate for the person you are now.


• If you have a lot invested in achieving the goal, you might find that your fear of not getting it is receiving more energy than achieving the goal. What we focus upon in our lives is what we tend to attract into our lives. Where you have a lot of emotion attached to a goal, you may find that what you attract into your life is more of that emotion rather than the outcome you are seeking. This is because the greatest portion of your focus is upon the emotion (usually fear that you won't achieve your goal) rather than upon the goal itself. If this happens, remove the emotional attachment to the outcome by sitting and planning for the girl and then in a non-emotional way follow the steps to achieve it. You must believe that you have done and are doing all you can to achieve the goal and know that worrying will just hold it back.


• When you think things are not going your way, let go of your idea of how they should go. You may be surprised at the unusual ways in which your desires are ultimately fulfilled. Sometimes we try to force goals to be achieved in timelines that are too tight for us. It can take a while to build this foundation for some goals. Be kind to yourself during this period.


• It would not serve you to achieve the goal. Sometimes your greatest gifts may come from unanswered desires. I remember having my heart broken as a teenager when my boyfriend started going out with someone else. Every night I prayed and focused upon us staying together, but it didn't happen. It wasn't until years later I realized that if our relationship had succeeded, I wouldn't have become the person that I am. In the failure of one of my greatest desires lay the possibility for me to become something else.


• Something even better is coming or has come to you instead.


• You are attempting to consciously overcome an unconscious habit. In this case you will need to examine what you do at an unconscious level so you have an awareness of the steps you will need to take to combat the 'trigger' that is giving rise to the habit.


• You have been practicing procrastination. Many of us do. The best way to overcome procrastination is to focus upon the outcome and the benefits you will receive from it and then take action.


• Your fear (usually of failing) is so great that you don't take the necessary steps to achieve your goal. The only way to overcome fear is to meet it head on and move through it. If you don't, then the fear wins and your inactivity guarantees your failure.

In Summary

There are some goals it is best we never achieve as it would not be in our best interests to do so. For those ones, we smile and move on with our lives. There are other goals where we are using unhelpful strategies in our attempt to achieve them. We can be successful with these goals if we change our strategies.

Petris Lapis, Director of Keys To Potential Pty Ltd the exciting new approach to making unconscious change easy, personal growth, opening your heart and unlocking your potential in every aspect of life personal development workshops. Visit now to book your seat at the next course running near you. http://www.KeysToPotential.com

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Be The Master of Your Emotions

Do you find that at times your emotions get the best of you? What do you usually do when you feel that you're on the brink of a "meltdown"? Maybe you turn to someone else to console you or maybe you self medicate with drugs, alcohol or something less obvious like overwork. Perhaps at some point, these things no longer do the job and you're unable to stay on your game because you're too overwhelmed by emotions. If this is the case, maybe it's time to learn how to bring the emotions themselves under your own control.

The good news is it's never too late to start learning some skills to nurture yourself when you're feeling under the gun or overly emotional. When you're feeling distressed, and too consumed by a problem, it can be quite difficult to come up with a solution to make things better or at the very least get yourself feeling better about things. For those times, it can be extremely helpful to make a list that can become your own custom "toolbox" of ways to help yourself that you know will work for you.

During those times, you might want to try "activating your senses" as sources of comfort. For example, you can tap into your sense of touch by wrapping yourself up in a comfy blanket, cuddling with a pet, or snuggling up with a large body pillow and enjoy the feeling of being embraced. Maybe you can listen to a favorite song or the sounds of nature, focusing on the positive feelings you associate with those sounds or treat yourself to a soothing cup of tea to provide yourself feelings of warmth and comfort. As you do this, focus on taking in the different smells and savoring each sip. Even lighting a candle with a calming aroma can indulge your senses, which can help bring you to a place that feels more stable, grounded, and secure.

Another effective strategy is to imagine that you're in a completely safe place; such as a beach, a lake or somewhere else that perhaps exists only on your imagination. Imagine in detail what it's like to be in this safe, calm place. Focus on what you can see, hear, and feel. As you take in this image, allow your stress to fade away as the feelings of calm arise. Once you have created this place in your mind, it's a place you can easily return to whenever you'd like a feeling of calm or peace.

Your emotions don't have to get your way! That's the best news. The trick is to realize that you can gain mastery over your emotions rather than it being the other way around. As you discover more of your own techniques to sooth yourself effectively, add them to your list. Then put them to work when you need them the most.

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