Negative People: Why Are Some People Always Negative?

What is clear that is that life is not always a bed of roses: there are ups and downs and sometimes, there can be more downs than ups. For some people, there will be more ups than there are downs, but for others, the downs will outweigh the ups.

One might then come to the conclusion that one some people are luckier or more fortunate than others. And when this opinion is based purely on what is happening externally, it can seem accurate and what is true.

However, if one was to look within someone and see what is taking place there, they might soon see that there is a reason why they are experiencing more ups than downs. Or why they are able to see life in a positive light even though life hasn't always gone their way.

Different Types

So life is made up of different types of people and some people can come across as always being positive and happy and others can come across as always being negative and unhappy.

There will also be people who swing between the two and don't seem to stay in either option for very long. But whether one feels positive or negative, it will be a combination of what is happening externally and what is happening internally.

The Mind

In the external world, certain things can take place that cause one to feel positive, and at other times, things can happen that make one feel negative. But while the external world can play a big part in how one thinks and feels, so can their mind.

What takes place externally is interpreted by the mind and the interpretation that is made will play a part in ones thoughts and feelings. And it works the other way to; with ones thoughts and feelings impacting what happens to them externally.

Extremes

Being positive all the time might be seen as being better than being negative all the time, and yet there are going to be down sides to this. One might be admired by some, but end up being labelled as being in denial by others.

And as life is not always pleasant, one would have to be in denial to always be positive. The mind works in polarities, so as a way to avoid pain, it can end up going to the other extreme. Therefore, one can end up needing to always be happy and positive as a way to avoid how they truly feel.

Based on this, always being positive or always begin negative are simply two sides of the same coin. One person is simply embracing how they feel and think and what is taking place externally, and another is doing all they can to avoid what is taking place.

Survival

When it comes to ones survival as a human being, focusing on what is negative is more important than focusing on what is positive. Placing ones attention on what makes them feel good might be pleasurable, but it is not necessarily going to ensure their survival.

Whereas, if one pays attention what is negative and therefore what is or what could be a threat to their survival, they are more likely to avid it and stay alive. This ability is surely one of the reasons why human beings have survived for as long as they have.

So it is in the interest of ones survival to focus on what is negative. However, it is easy for one to place their attention on what is negative, even when their survival is not under threat. And what we focus on grows, so it is important to monitor the minds tendency to focus on what is negative.

Stuck

If ones attention if placed completely on what is negative and they are unable to see life in any other way, then this can be a sign that they are emotionally stuck. This is the world of duality and while there are 'bad' things, there are also 'good' things.

And while one can end up always being positive, as a way to avoid facing how they feel, they can also end up always being negative due to not consciously facing how they feel. So whether one is always positive or always negative, they are still being controlled by their trapped feelings.

Consequences

These will then define how one thinks and their behaviour, as well as define their perceptions and this will then end up influencing their reality. The people they attract into their life and are attracted to, as well as the situations they find themselves in, will also reflect how they feel.

How one feels shapes their outer world and then their outer world ends up influencing how they feel on the inside. It also works the other way around; with ones external reality affecting their inner world.

If one is already full of negativity, it won't take much to put them into a negative state; that's if they are not already in one. And if one is fairly neutral within, there is going to be less chance of what is happening externally to have an impact on how they feel.

Trapped Emotions

When one has trapped emotions in their body, it is going to be a challenge for them to experience life in a way that is not negative. These feelings will influence their inner world and influence their outer world; so it can be hard for them to detach form what is happening and to see that they have become trapped in a cycle.

The following emotions can be trapped in one's body: grief, shame, powerlessness, hopelessness, rejection, abandonment and guilt, amongst others.

Awareness

As these are released, one will feel different and therefore their thoughts and behaviour will change. And this inner change will gradually have an impact on ones outer reality. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be required.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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20 Tips and Tools to Develop Your Self-Esteem

Self Esteem can grow and develop in the same way you grow a physical muscle. It needs practice and repetition. When you go to the gym and exercise, you do it regularly and repeatedly, until one day you will notice the difference in the physical shape of your body. This is the same for developing any emotional/personality skill. Only here you practice mental /emotional exercise instead of physical exercise, but the results are the same.
Self-esteem is about choosing to accept ourselves in spite of any insufficiencies and failures. It is a mental choice. It is important to realize the benefits of promoting healthy self-esteem that lead to mental well-being, resilience and assertiveness.
It is worth repeating the fact that your own thoughts perhaps have the biggest impact on your self-esteem, and these thoughts are within your control.
20 Tips & TOOLS:
1-Change Your Thoughts:
Higher self esteem starts when you change your thinking. It starts when you realize that it is possible, and within your own abilities. The fact that your self-esteem is low means that you had learned or you conditioned yourself by repetition, to see yourself with low self-esteem. This same fact also means by the same process of learning you can learn, or actually re-learn, to reverse this type of learning and instead learn a new pattern of thinking. Learn to see yourself with higher self-esteem.
2- Reverse Triggers of Low Self Esteem:
Whenever we hear criticism or feel bad about something wrong we did, we tend to personalize this experience as negative and therefore, start to develop low self-esteem. This pattern must be reversed by focusing instead on positive things. Start by focusing on positive aspects of yourself that outweighs those negative thoughts. Reflect on mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable, and everyone does mistakes. You can reframe your negative thoughts and adopt positive thinking. The moment you begin to develop low self-esteem about anything, stop and say:" No, I am not going to accept this negative thought about myself. I can see the good in me". Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
3-Avoid Situations and Institutions that Undermine Self-Esteem:
Avoid negative people because they are not good for you. Avoid loud and aggressive people if you are timid. Negative people have negative energy that can reflect on you. According to Brian Tracy "Avoid negative people at all costs. They are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self-esteem."
4-Write Goals as SMART, and Make Sure That You Really Want to Achieve These Goals:
Think about what you'd like to accomplish, and then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress. According to Thomas Carlyle:" Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment."
5-Use Relaxation & Stress Management Techniques: Meditation & relaxation are very important for our lives, even for our self-esteem. These techniques will promote positive hormones in your body, including serotonin that will stimulate good mood and feeling good about yourself.
6- Use Positive Affirmations:
These are short positive statements about yourself. By continually repeating affirmations with conviction and passion, you will overcome the strongest resistance. Saying to yourself "I totally accept myself"," I like myself", "I can appreciate myself", over and over, can build your self-esteem. Repeat this several times every day.
7-Each Day, Write Down Three Things About Yourself That Make You Happy:
Write a daily journal about good things you did. Write about your passions. Write about small goals or tasks that keep your motivation high. Write the compliments that you have received as well. Write your daily diary. Reminding yourself of all your assets is a sure confidence booster.
8- Aim for Accomplishments Rather Than Perfection:
Perfection should not be a goal. Think of your ability, not of what you can't achieve.
9- Change Your Physiology:
Work out and exercise regularly. Physical exercise will improve your physical appearance. Your physical health is directly and positively linked to your emotional health. Substantial research supports the theory that good health can lead to good emotions. When you exercise you'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier. Exercise produces endorphins that help you feel better.
10- Find a Counselor:
Counselors and therapists have different tools to handle deep stress and other emotional problems. It's never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can require the help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist. These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love themselves and realize what's unique and special about them.
11- Future Pace:
Look into the future, sometime like 6 months from now, one year, or 2 years into the future, and imagine yourself having high self-esteem. Imagine surviving big challenges, which will make you stronger and more resilient. We face self-doubt. We even sometimes face despair. These are the fires that temper our inner steel, giving us confidence that, when we face pain that may come in the future, we are capable of surviving. This knowledge in turn gives us a greater sense of self-esteem.
12- Talk And Express Yourself:
Talk to a close friend about this issue. Don't be afraid to tell what is inside you. Join self-help groups & support groups. Subscribe to forums that have relevant support groups.
13- Personal History: Although the process is comprehensive and takes some time, here I want you to practice the simple part of it. Go back to your past, to one event that caused you mild pain and low self-esteem. Stop at that incident and ask yourself: what do I learn from this event? This new learning will enable you to get rid of that negative emotion associated with that event. The learning has to be positive, about yourself and for the future. This learning will enable you to disconnect with that experience, to be free emotionally from that negative experience. Do this technique only if the experience is mild and not severe. If it is severe, called a severe emotional experience (SEE), please don't do this exercise unless under the supervision of a master therapist. All you need is to remember the event and associate a new learning with it.
14- Pretend That You Already Have High Self Esteem:
Stand up straight and walk with your head up. Raise your chin 3 cm when you walk up. This stance will increase your sense of self-value. You'll make a positive impression on yourself and others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
15- Reward Yourself When You Succeed:
Treat yourself to something nice. Rewarding yourself will keep your motivation high.
16- Stop Comparing Yourself with Others:
Unfair comparisons are damaging to self-esteem. Low-self esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. Inferiority is marginal. Stop comparing yourself with others and only measure your success by your own criteria based on your abilities and available options.
17- Take Advantage of Workshops, Books and Download Programs on Self-Esteem:
Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read bad news; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
18- Take Good Care of Your Appearance:
Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
19 - Learn Something New:
Develop a sense of curiosity. Learning is about growing. Try to learn a new hobby or a new skill or whatever is interesting to you. When you learn something new, you would feel better and more fulfilled.
20- Do Something Physical:
Get out of the house. Go for a walk. Clean out a closet. Visit the nature preserve. Go outdoor. Do some activities that keep you away from thinking all the time about yourself.
I know that you can change your self and have healthy self-esteem, but it is not as easy as I portrayed it. It will take time, and needs patience and determination on your part. However, if you take action today, right now, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results. The results may come easier and faster than you may think.
Good luck!

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The 3-In-1 Path to Any Desired Outcome

I won't make you wait. Here it is: "Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome?" Pretty straight-forward, don't you think? I do want to say something about desired outcomes: it's best if they're aligned with and for your highest good or the highest good of all involved. Negative or out-of-harmony intentions always find a way to bite you on the bum!

Let's look at the 3-in-1: Thoughts, words, and actions. Each are important, but one always affects the other two, and all three always work together as one energy transmission to yourself, others, and the Universe. You won't speak or act in anger if your thoughts are peaceful or appreciative. And your thoughts won't be peaceful or appreciative if you speak and/or act from anger. This is, of course, true for any emotion or feeling.

Just so you're clear, I'm not saying anger (or any emotion you don't desire to feel) is a bad thing and that you shouldn't engage it; after all, it's there to get your attention on what's not working for you. I am saying you can feel anger (or any emotion you don't desire to feel) and still communicate what you need to from a place of inner peace, or at least a calmer demeanor, even or especially if you need a bit of time to get into this "space". Thoughts, words, and actions can be and are choices, and choices always create results or consequences. This is one reason the question works in and on your behalf at all times. So, let's look at the three aspects.

Thoughts are about more than just having them; about more than just thinking positive. They are also about deeper contemplation that lead you to make significant connections, like connect-the-dots drawings, to reveal and see the bigger, holistic picture you, others, and Source are a part of. They're like one of those starter fire logs: potential is within them once lit (with enough energy provided, that is), for desired or undesired outcomes, depending on what you do with them. We usually turn thoughts into words.

Words have power. They can heal, they can harm, they can create. They can uplift and support or they can suppress or crush. The moment you speak, you've added fuel to the fire, whether that's kindling to build a cozy fire that provides warmth and comfort, and even to cook, or gasoline that causes an explosion or a fire that burns out of control until time runs it out or something is done to put it out. Thoughts have power. Put them into words and you've enhanced or amplified their influence on your cause-and-effect outcome. Speaking words is also an action, as much as any physical action is.

Actions are like pushing down on the accelerator of a car. You're in motion until you put your foot on the brake to deliberately stop or pause (or you run out of fuel). If you're on a "good road," you more than likely have a good travel experience. If you're on a road under bad, unpleasant, or unfavorable conditions, like ice, you go into a skid or flip, and don't know the outcome, good or not-good, until you do.

Desired and undesired outcomes don't come about only as a result of what we think, say, or do deliberately. They also come to us as a result of how we respond or react when under pressure, which shows us what we've worked on about ourselves, as well as what still needs work. Both of these paths show us a great deal about what our relationship with ourselves, others, and Source is. Note: every relationship with others and with Source is ultimately a reflection of the one we have with our self. This fact may not be comfortable, and may even be scary, but it is accurate.

Observing ourselves in these ways is a handy assessment tool or method. This isn't meant to be used for self-judgment, just self-assessment and conscious, deliberate inner work. It's like an eye exam. You take an eye test, not to pass or fail it, but to take measurements. The results of the measurements show you where you are and what you need, to help you maintain or adjust your vision. It's the same for your vision of you and your life, others, and Source.

Too often it's too easy, and even endorsed by society to be "clever" with our comments or opinions, to say or spew whatever we think without thinking about it first. I recently shared a quote on social sites (attribution unknown) that expresses a misunderstanding some people or society in general often have: "Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness." People who practice silence, calmness, and kindness are sometimes viewed in a negative manner, as though personal power can be expressed only through aggression, when the opposite is true and aligned with Truth. Sometimes we focus more on what our ego-aspect thinks it can gain through being "clever" or hurtful or the "winner", than what we might lose.

In an article for "O" (Oprah's magazine), Catherine Newman wrote: "... life isn't about avoiding trouble; it's about being present, even through the hard stuff, so you don't miss the very thing you're trying not to lose." When we don't use the 3-in-1 question, we tend to lose something, whether that's the desired outcome; traction; any advance we've made; or confidence or faith in ourselves and/or the process; trust in Source; or even something remarkable within us waiting to be discovered, revealed, and expressed.

You could say the desired outcome to be in harmony and productive collaboration with ourselves, others, and Source is a good and even ultimate one to have. It covers a lot of ground, an expansive territory we call life and our experience of it. The way to attain or accomplish this is to consistently ask: Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome? It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "I Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com/guest-articles.html#.UPGKUB3BGS

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When or How Do You Know It's You Who Needs to Change?

One of the ways I know I need to change is when I find myself thinking thoughts in a certain way for an extended time, or I think pretty much the same types of thoughts over and over, but none of this thought activity moves me forward or causes me to feel the way I desire to. This is especially true when it involves another person's behaviors that I feel a challenge, contrast, or conflict with, and wish they'd change so I could feel better. What about you? What do you do that leads you to see the most obvious and first change to make is in you?

One of the first things we could, should, or would change is our thoughts; and fortunately for us, since we're the only ones who have them, we can address them. That random thoughts will happen spontaneously is a given. Trying to control or stop this fact is a waste of time. But you can transmute thoughts, that is redirect them, once they happen, which takes practice.

However, it's important that you distinguish between thought contemplation based in a genuine desire to solve, resolve, or improve and negatively dwelling on or harping on a matter, the latter being a thought activity that will never get you to where you want to be: peaceful, no matter what.

You're going to interact with, or live with, people whose behaviors could be improved; and others will feel the same about you. When someone's behavior triggers you out of your serenity and joy, your quickest way back to those feelings is to change something in or about you, starting with your attitude, mindset, or perspective, and followed by constructive or productive words and/or actions, or even appropriate silence and inaction at times.

You could say a good goal is to stay in peace and in trust in the Universe (though, this is more than a mere goal, it's a desirable way to be); but the words "stay in" puts you on the spot: Who can stay in that mindset all the time? However, as I said a moment ago about thoughts, you can transmute and redirect negative energies that surface in you, which will take practice. And this is a worthy practice because your peace and trust in the Universe are the fastest pathways for the Universe to rebalance what you perceive as having gone off-center in you and your life, in accordance with how Law of Attraction is designed to work, and does.

It's not always necessarily a simple matter to return to peace and trust once triggered by someone or an event, but it is doable. What is also doable is to practice peace and trust in the Universe before you're triggered. It's like that old saying, "A stitch in time saves nine." If you practice on smaller annoyances, you begin to fine-tune yourself for if or when larger ones come along. None of this means you deny, suppress, or never share what you feel; it's about what you do with and about your emotions that surface as a result of your feelings, and your beliefs.

When you think about seeking or having peace, you may think of a quiet place like an isolated beach or an ashram, or a walk in nature, or eliminating every annoying person or matter from your life. However, there are other ways to seek and create peace that we may not as readily think about: assessing and modifying some of our behaviors. Here are some general behaviors some may want to look at:

-Any of your behaviors that consistently trigger or annoy someone or a number of others in a not-good way.

-What you say and/or do in a consistent manner that doesn't cause you to feel good or better about yourself, others, and any aspect of your life or life in general.

-You're always, nearly always, or far too often for your own good, in a negative mood or mindset.

-You consider yourself superior to all or certain others, which always results in your mistreatment of them, and their subsequent mistreatment of you.

-You expect and wait for anyone or anything to change, to please your ego-based needs and desires, before you feel good or happy. Note: I'm addressing ego-based needs here, not realistic or practical needs, or behavior anomalies that require real internal or external adjustment for the well-being of those involved.

-You consistently practice negative levels of gossip or complaining (which is not the same as productive venting to an appropriate listener).

-You're free with criticism and opinions, whether or not you're asked for these, and deliver them in ways that are non-supportive and don't encourage the understanding, illumination, or improvement you desire.

-You get angry fast and often, and "go in with gloves on" rather than pick your battles, and pick a more appropriate time to address them.

-You practice payback or revenge.

-You practice unusual, non-productive, or harmful levels of self-condemnation.

-You base your self-worth on anyone or anything external to you, and forget or ignore that you are an expression of the Universe.

-You believe you have to do everything about or in your life, and don't include the Universe as your partner.

What you see in the above list are behaviors or practices that, if we changed or adjusted enough to not do them or not do them the same way or as often as we do, we would experience more peace. There are two ways to seek peace: where you receive (like sitting on a quiet beach or having a serene hour alone or getting a massage) and where you give yourself and others a more pleasant, peaceful experience by modifying your own behaviors that don't serve you (or them) in a good way. These are changes you can assess the need for then follow through on with practice.

We all deal with the need or necessity of change differently, especially when it's a change in us that's needed. Here are some very generalized descriptions of how five behavior types may approach a need for change.

1. Aggressive types will use coercion, force, verbal abuse, and/or physical abuse against others. But, they won't necessarily recognize their aggressions as such; or if they do recognize them, they may decide they are justified. They may think this is the way to get things done the way they want them to be done: the end justifies the means. They believe little to nothing needs to change about them.

2. Passive-Aggressive types will resist doing what they need to do or what others need or ask them to do, especially if the request is demanding or authoritative. They may toss out "zinger" statements to make someone feel guilty because they are uncomfortable speaking their truth in a better way. They believe guilt will show (or force) others the errors of their ways; and they'll mope and sulk until the change they desire is obvious and consistent. They control others, or attempt to, by making them feel at fault for how unhappy they feel.

3. Passive types will fold their energy up like a telescope, and offer no resistance. They suppress the bad feelings they have, but they have them in spades. Passivity, though, lasts for only so long before the person opts for another behavior to release the pressure that's built up. This is because they are not actually easy-going (a very different mindset), but one of the other types above in disguise.

4. Assertive types look for ways to collaborate or compromise. They speak out and they listen to what others have to say. They're ready to take needed action, and take it. As long as they don't cross over into aggressive behaviors, they stay in the "assertive" zone. They do what they can to accomplish what they set out to do, and often feel confident about decision-making. They tend to encourage, guide, or mentor others.

5. Spiritual types observe what's going on. They ask themselves and/or the Universe for right questions then seek and ask right questions of others. They ask and trust the Universe to show others, as well as themselves, adjustments that need to be or could be made, rather than charging into battle about matters. Their mantra for more complicated circumstances (and life) is, "I may not know how or when this will be taken care of, but I know the Universe is working on it." They pay attention to signals from the Universe about how and when they should take certain actions. They mostly stay in, or return to, peace and trust more easily, based on experience and lots of practice. They tend to be more easy-going than other types because of this.

The first three types above are examples of unskillful behaviors, which can be transmuted into skillful ones with guidance and practice. And all five types have "shades," as well as "flavors" of skilled and unskilled aspects. Also, under certain circumstances, any of us might display behaviors from the five types: we may desire to be skillful at all times, but find this isn't always the case. But with practice, we can always improve our ratio of skillful-to-unskillful behaviors.

When we don't observe our own behaviors through the appropriate lens, we miss opportunities to choose ways to have and be the feelings we desire most. Look back at the list of behaviors to consider, and perhaps add your own. Look back at the five behavior types and see which one is your current predominant style and which one you'd prefer to be your predominant style. Be honest, and kind, with yourself as you do this. Always aim at making choices that keep you in integrity and encourage you to do your best and feel your best in any given moment, even if you slip or trip up first. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "I Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com/guest-articles.html#.UPGKUB3BGSo
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