Gaining Back Lost Confidence

Gaining back is repossessing something that already belongs to you and was taken away from you by somebody or through circumstance. It may be wealth, trust, confidence, faith among others. One example is gaining back trust from parents who had lost it from you after you did something they did not approve.

Trust is the essential part in any relationship. It takes time to regain it. Trust cannot be taken for granted or misused. When a relationship breaks due to lack of trust, the involved parties should involve a specialist to reconcile them. It is gained through one believing that whatever his or her partner does is right. Having a little bit of doubt marks the beginning of mistrust. One should therefore have enough appreciation and understanding towards what his or her partner does.

Confidence on the other hand is something that ought to be treasured. It is gained through small experiences in life. Many people especially the youth fear and are unable to talk in public just because of lack of confidence. This is mainly because they have feeling of failure, which hit their confidence levels. Confidence is something that one is not born with and thus, one should work towards gaining it.

The following measures should ensure that one gain back confidence after losing it.

1. Consider points in your life where you found out that you do not have confidence and write down. After writing them down, try to work on them to improve the confidence levels.

2. Do an examination of your confidence. Being honest ensures that one stand by his or her points and is confidence enough to prove and defend them. Lies and dishonesty makes ones conscience judge him or her thus low level of confidence in oneself.

3. Ensure that you associate yourself with good and positive people. These make one to appreciate their nature and character thus building confidence to them. For instance, dealing with professionals makes one view himself or herself as a profession thus gaining professional confidence.

4. Volunteer your time to do something that builds your confidence e.g. volunteering to counsel young people on the effects of drug abuse. This builds your confidence in addressing the public.

5. Seek advice and guidance from professional and qualified people. They give one enough information on how to improve their confidence levels.

6. You should set realistic goals that are achievable. This makes one confident that he or she will accomplish them.

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Rejection: Why Do Some People Fear Rejection?

There are many fears that human beings can have and some of these are classed as real and parts of one's ability to survive and others are seen as self made and have very little to do with ones survival.

And the fear of rejection is often classed as a fear that is irrational and not based in reality. In most cases as an adult, it is unlikely that anything too harmful is going to happen if one is rejected. One's life is not likely to come to an end and they will live for another day.

But while this if often the case and nothing too harmful does take place, it is often irrelevant; because this fear can cause so many problems in someone's life. It can stop them from going towards what they truly want and need and cause them to stay where they are in life.

For these people, it is not a fear that is slightly distressing or has little impact on their life; it is something that is overwhelming. Their life is then defined and ruled by this the fear of rejection.

Frustration

On the surface this is going to have the potential to cause mild, to extreme frustration, anger and hopelessness. There will be some things in one's life that will be put off for a short time and there will be others that are forever put off.

Progress is then something that either happens on the odd occasion or it never happens. And one then ends up being stuck at a certain level of growth and development. To miss out on certain opportunities and chances could become the norm.

This could relate to some areas of one's life or cover just about every area. One is therefore unlikely to feel too empowered or connected to life and the world around them. To see other people go after what they want and get it, might be a common occurrence.

And further enhance their sense of despair and that they have no control over what they do or don't do.

Interpretation

Perhaps one thinks that they haven't got what it takes to go after what they want and that other people have something they don't have for instance. There could be people who tell them to move beyond their fear of rejection and while that sounds easier enough at an intellectual level, it is something that can be far from easy at an emotional level.

This could be a fear that is simply dismissed as just a feeling and that there is nothing more to it. And while it is intended to make one feel better about it and move beyond it, it can just result in them feeling weak and lacking something.

Genders

When it comes to women, this fear might be more acceptable than it is for men. For women it could be seen as understandable and therefore cause them to be given some kind of support or encouragement.

But for men, it could be seen as a sign or weakness and that the man lacks courage. So a woman could end up feeling that this is normal and a man could see it as something to be ashamed off.

Different Areas

And this is going to be something that can affect every area of one's life. If this doesn't relate to all areas and only relates to one, it might not be as bad. And yet at the same time, this one area could impact every other. So it won't necessarily matter how pervasive this is, what matters is how strong the fear of rejection is.

The key area is going to be relationships. And this one's relate to ones career, friends and relationships with the opposite sex. To move up in ones career or to ask for some kind of pay rise might be sabotaged through one fearing rejection.

And the same can apply to one asking for what they want and need in a relationship and speaking their truth. Perhaps one sees an attractive person that they want to talk to or who they know and would like to takes things further.

But in each in each of these situations, their fear of rejection takes over and nothing ever happens.

A Closer look

For the individual that has a fear of rejection that is overwhelming and out of balance, it is highly likely that it is more than just a feeling that they are experiencing. What it could be is a whole body experience and something that consumes them.

And when the feeling of rejection is being experienced or about to be experienced, there is going to be something more to it. Rejection is on the surface and is just one level; what is deeper than the fear of rejection, is that it will mean to this person to be rejected.

Emotional Age

Although one is physically an adult, it doesn't mean that they feel like one emotionally. And this is due to someone being emotionally stuck at a certain age or time in their life. So to look at rejection through the eyes of an adult, it becomes clear that generally nothing to troubling is going to happen.

And yet if one were to look at rejection through the eyes of a child, it is evident that rejection is a matter of life or death. To not receive the right nurturance and attention from ones caregiver, could have resulted in an experience or many experiences that were traumatic.

If these feelings were allowed to be released through their caregivers being emotional available, it wouldn't be a problem. However, if they are not dealt with, they could have stayed in one's body.

So although one physically grows, emotionally they can still feel like they did all those years ago. And whenever one is in a situation where they want something from another, these trapped feelings and emotions will rise up once again. It doesn't matter then what the other person does or doesn't do, as these feelings are inside one's body and will therefore be triggered in one way or another.

Awareness

To look at this logically, it is obvious that one is overreacting and yet if they are still carrying all this emotional pain form the past, then how else would they feel? To engage in self blame or to see oneself as lacking something, is not helpful and it is not accurate either.

They are simply acting in ways that are a consequence of what has built up within them and what needs to be realised from their body. These trapped feelings and emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who allows one to face them and gradually release them.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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First Things First

Why We Keep Commitments to Others, But Not to Ourselves

Last week, I received a call from a former client (let's call him Vince), inviting me to lunch. When we sat down, I asked him how he'd been doing in the year or so since we last worked together.

Vince told me, "I've been doing well, but I've got some challenges. In particular, there are some activities I know I must do in order to achieve my goals, but I'm just not doing them. I'm hoping you can help me push through my own resistance... to myself!"

Vince told me about three specific business-building activities he'd been avoiding. They were simple things, but they were outside his comfort zone. He was convinced that if he were to do these activities on a regular basis, he would see substantial growth in his business and income. What he said next, really struck me...

"I've tried to get myself to do these things," Vince said. "I know they're essential to my growth. But I can't make myself. I'm impeccable with my promises to my clients and others-when I tell someone I'll do something, I do it. But it's so much easier to break promises to myself."

Vince isn't alone. In 14 years of coaching, I've seen this over and over again. People who would never break a commitment to a client, a family member, or friend, have a hard time keeping commitments to themselves. Anyone who has ever resolved to lose weight, exercise more, or change any kind of habit, knows what I'm talking about.

So why is this-why do people so often fall down when it comes to keeping their commitments to themselves? I believe there are two reasons:

• First, the commitments we make to ourselves frequently involve changing some kind of habit, whether it be adding a new habit or getting rid of an old one. We all run our lives by habits, and changing habits is tough.
• Secondly, it's easier to break a promise to ourselves, because our accountability is "self-contained." When we break a promise to ourselves, we may feel we let ourselves down. We can also procrastinate or rationalize our behavior. But when we break a promise to someone else, we let two people down: the other person and ourselves. Plus, we may feel embarrassed and judged or branded as a flake or untrustworthy. What we think about ourselves privately is one thing, but most people dread being seen negatively by others.

So back to my client, Vince. Over lunch, he proposed a 60-day accountability challenge: he would commit to his three activities on a regular basis for the next two months and report to me by text message on a daily basis. And should he fail to keep to his word, he would suffer some penalties. Let's just say Vince put his money where his mouth was. So far, so good-he's been texting me every day and keeping to his commitments.

When it comes to making commitments or taking action, it can really help to have an accountability system or partner to keep you to your word. Some people think that they should be able to will themselves to do anything they want and that anything else is a sign of weakness. I look at it differently: We humans are wired to cooperate and draw strength and support from each other. When we make a commitment to someone else, it strengthens our resolve, not to mention the chances that we'll keep to our word. So, in my book, finding an accountability partner is a sign of strength.

Part of the value coaching provides is having a regular accountability relationship. Every day, I coach people to do the things they wouldn't do on their own. And guess what? 95 percent of the time, they do what they promise. Such is the power of accountability.

Phil Glosserman is a business coach, sales coach and executive coach, who works with business owners, salespeople, executives and other professionals. Since 1999, Phil has coached hundreds of individuals and companies to do what it takes to grow and better manage their business. He is the author of two business/sales books: Sell the Feeling and The Referral Code. Phil's Web site is http://coachphil.com

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7 Traits of Highly Confident People

Even though the development of our self-confidence and self-esteem are influenced by our childhood experience, it certainly does not end there. In fact, it would be a great disservice to ourselves to think that we have little or no control over such things.

A healthy level of confidence may seem like a mystery to someone who struggles with feelings of worthlessness, but anyone can make great strides in this area. Like any other life skill, there are simple, straightforward ways to recreate our perception of self-worth, and improve the way we assess our own value as a person.

Except in extreme cases, adopting new behaviors can effectively reprogram how we feel about our own abilities and personal worth. Our behavior is generally a reflection of our beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of, but this process can also run in reverse. If we want to change those beliefs, we can adopt different behaviors that will send powerful new signals to our nervous system.

The relationship between actions and beliefs

If our actions are not supported by our current beliefs then those beliefs will begin to lose their credibility. This opens the way for new beliefs that are being validated by the signals coming from our new behaviors.

While it may sound somewhat complicated, it is actually very simple to do, and the benefits can be felt almost instantly. It really comes down to this; when you talk and behave like someone with confidence, you feel more confident. As you continue to feel more confident, your perception of “self” changes, and perception is where beliefs come from.

With that in mind, let’s consider seven behaviors that can help increase your sense of confidence and self-esteem. We should also note that motivation is closely linked confidence. So as your confidence grows, so will your ability to motivate yourself.

You may already be doing some of these steps, and that’s great. If so, then this will serve as a valuable reminder, but if not, I suggest you begin ASAP.

7 behaviors that build confidence

1. Project confidence and self-esteem. You know the old saying, “you only have one chance to make a first impression.” That is a good reason to look others directly in the eye and greet them with a smile on your face. Direct eye contact and a smile project a sense of self-confidence. In addition, your posture, bearing, gestures, and gate, tell others (and your own nervous system) that you are a confident person. Body language is a much more powerful way of communicating confidence than anything you have to say.

2. Use your words to reinforce your confident image. When you meet someone new, whether in person or over the phone, always give them your name. Leading with a personal introduction underscores the feeling that you respect yourself, and that they should pay attention to what you have to say.

3. Be willing to accept a compliment. Don’t minimize expressions of honor from others. Instead of trying to sidestep a compliment, be gracious and appreciative. Giving plays an important role in life, but so does the ability to allow yourself to receive. Being able to accept form others provides them with an opportunity to experience the joy of giving. It’s a sign of solid self-esteem to be able to show genuine appreciation for a gift or complement.

4. Avoid self-promotion. Bragging comes from a lack of self-confidence and a desire for external approval. Conversely, genuine modesty is a characteristic of someone who is secure with who they are. People who brag are calling attention to themselves because they don’t feel worthy of respect. It’s like wearing a sign that says “please notice me and tell me that I am special?”

5. Keep the conversation positive. Avoid turning your problems into everyone else’s problems. Do this by not making problems the centerpiece of your conversation. Talk positively about your life and the lives of those around you. Train yourself to be aware of, and to move away from, negative thinking. Take notice of how often you complain and work to eliminate that tendency. When you are tempted to criticize or complain, find a way to turn your thoughts in a positive direction before you speak.

6. Counter doubt with positive action. Everyone’s confidence gets rocked from time to time. Dwelling on difficulties and disappointments will only make matters worse. The best antidote for doubt is to increase your level of productive activity. When your self-confidence is under fire, don’t sit around over analyzing the situation, do something. When you are busy taking action, your mind will be focused on solutions instead of problems. Maybe you can’t solve the problem immediately, but you can start working on it immediately instead of just thinking about it.

7. See everything as an opportunity. When you choose to see setbacks as opportunities your whole perspective shifts toward the positive. In its self, the ability to create this shift instills confidence. I like the saying from the movie The Ultimate Gift, “I’ve lost everything 3 or 4 times, it’s the perfect place to start.“ Everyone fails to produce their intended result sometimes, that’s how we know that it’s time to adjust our course. It is not a reflection of our value as a person, so don’t take it personally or let it rattle your self-esteem. If you feel that tendency, go for a walk and practice steps 1 and 2. Going through the actions will help restore your internal feelings of confidence.

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Personal Development for Smart People

The purpose of this website is to help you grow as a conscious human being. This includes guiding you to discover and accept your life purpose; inspiring you to feel more motivated, energized, and passionate; helping you shed disempowering relationships and build a network of loving support; teaching you how to achieve stable financial abundance doing what you love; and encouraging you to make a genuine contribution to humanity -- so you can finally experience the kind of life that deep down, you always knew you were meant to live.

You aren't here to struggle and suffer. You're here to express and share your creative gifts, to give and receive love, and to be happy. It will take time, but this site can certainly help you get there, and the vast majority of resources here are free.

This site will help you make conscious decisions in your personal developmentjourney and courageously follow through. This means having the maturity to take 100% responsibility for your health, your career, your finances, your relationships, your emotions, your habits, and your spiritual beliefs. It requires taking a deep look at yourself, consciously deciding what kind of person you truly are on the inside, and then getting your external reality to be congruent with your inner being. The goal is to help you achieve outstanding effectiveness while maintaining internal balance, where your thoughts, feelings, actions, and skills are all working together to create the life you truly desire.

Personal development is hard work. It takes time, consistency, and patience. If you're only here looking for shallow quick fixes and you aren't interested in real, lasting change, this isn't the right place for you. This site is designed for people who are serious about personal growth and willing to commit to it.

This site will help you learn to live more consciously, to summon the courage to face the unfaceable parts of your life, and to solve the deep problems you've not yet been able to solve. You'll learn practical ideas to make important changes in your life, both big and small, so you can get your life on track and start living up to your potential.

This site can't teach you to be perfect. Perfection isn't the point. The point is for you to get yourself onto a path of practical, positive growth. It's very likely that this site will be of tremendous assistance to you on your journey
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