Self Esteem can grow and develop in the same way you grow a physical muscle. It needs practice and repetition. When you go to the gym and exercise, you do it regularly and repeatedly, until one day you will notice the difference in the physical shape of your body. This is the same for developing any emotional/personality skill. Only here you practice mental /emotional exercise instead of physical exercise, but the results are the same.
Self-esteem is about choosing to accept ourselves in spite of any insufficiencies and failures. It is a mental choice. It is important to realize the benefits of promoting healthy self-esteem that lead to mental well-being, resilience and assertiveness.
It is worth repeating the fact that your own thoughts perhaps have the biggest impact on your self-esteem, and these thoughts are within your control.
20 Tips & TOOLS:
1-Change Your Thoughts:
Higher self esteem starts when you change your thinking. It starts when you realize that it is possible, and within your own abilities. The fact that your self-esteem is low means that you had learned or you conditioned yourself by repetition, to see yourself with low self-esteem. This same fact also means by the same process of learning you can learn, or actually re-learn, to reverse this type of learning and instead learn a new pattern of thinking. Learn to see yourself with higher self-esteem.
2- Reverse Triggers of Low Self Esteem:
Whenever we hear criticism or feel bad about something wrong we did, we tend to personalize this experience as negative and therefore, start to develop low self-esteem. This pattern must be reversed by focusing instead on positive things. Start by focusing on positive aspects of yourself that outweighs those negative thoughts. Reflect on mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable, and everyone does mistakes. You can reframe your negative thoughts and adopt positive thinking. The moment you begin to develop low self-esteem about anything, stop and say:" No, I am not going to accept this negative thought about myself. I can see the good in me". Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
3-Avoid Situations and Institutions that Undermine Self-Esteem:
Avoid negative people because they are not good for you. Avoid loud and aggressive people if you are timid. Negative people have negative energy that can reflect on you. According to Brian Tracy "Avoid negative people at all costs. They are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self-esteem."
4-Write Goals as SMART, and Make Sure That You Really Want to Achieve These Goals:
Think about what you'd like to accomplish, and then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress. According to Thomas Carlyle:" Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment."
5-Use Relaxation & Stress Management Techniques: Meditation & relaxation are very important for our lives, even for our self-esteem. These techniques will promote positive hormones in your body, including serotonin that will stimulate good mood and feeling good about yourself.
6- Use Positive Affirmations:
These are short positive statements about yourself. By continually repeating affirmations with conviction and passion, you will overcome the strongest resistance. Saying to yourself "I totally accept myself"," I like myself", "I can appreciate myself", over and over, can build your self-esteem. Repeat this several times every day.
7-Each Day, Write Down Three Things About Yourself That Make You Happy:
Write a daily journal about good things you did. Write about your passions. Write about small goals or tasks that keep your motivation high. Write the compliments that you have received as well. Write your daily diary. Reminding yourself of all your assets is a sure confidence booster.
8- Aim for Accomplishments Rather Than Perfection:
Perfection should not be a goal. Think of your ability, not of what you can't achieve.
9- Change Your Physiology:
Work out and exercise regularly. Physical exercise will improve your physical appearance. Your physical health is directly and positively linked to your emotional health. Substantial research supports the theory that good health can lead to good emotions. When you exercise you'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier. Exercise produces endorphins that help you feel better.
10- Find a Counselor:
Counselors and therapists have different tools to handle deep stress and other emotional problems. It's never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can require the help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist. These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love themselves and realize what's unique and special about them.
11- Future Pace:
Look into the future, sometime like 6 months from now, one year, or 2 years into the future, and imagine yourself having high self-esteem. Imagine surviving big challenges, which will make you stronger and more resilient. We face self-doubt. We even sometimes face despair. These are the fires that temper our inner steel, giving us confidence that, when we face pain that may come in the future, we are capable of surviving. This knowledge in turn gives us a greater sense of self-esteem.
12- Talk And Express Yourself:
Talk to a close friend about this issue. Don't be afraid to tell what is inside you. Join self-help groups & support groups. Subscribe to forums that have relevant support groups.
13- Personal History: Although the process is comprehensive and takes some time, here I want you to practice the simple part of it. Go back to your past, to one event that caused you mild pain and low self-esteem. Stop at that incident and ask yourself: what do I learn from this event? This new learning will enable you to get rid of that negative emotion associated with that event. The learning has to be positive, about yourself and for the future. This learning will enable you to disconnect with that experience, to be free emotionally from that negative experience. Do this technique only if the experience is mild and not severe. If it is severe, called a severe emotional experience (SEE), please don't do this exercise unless under the supervision of a master therapist. All you need is to remember the event and associate a new learning with it.
14- Pretend That You Already Have High Self Esteem:
Stand up straight and walk with your head up. Raise your chin 3 cm when you walk up. This stance will increase your sense of self-value. You'll make a positive impression on yourself and others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
15- Reward Yourself When You Succeed:
Treat yourself to something nice. Rewarding yourself will keep your motivation high.
16- Stop Comparing Yourself with Others:
Unfair comparisons are damaging to self-esteem. Low-self esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. Inferiority is marginal. Stop comparing yourself with others and only measure your success by your own criteria based on your abilities and available options.
17- Take Advantage of Workshops, Books and Download Programs on Self-Esteem:
Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read bad news; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
18- Take Good Care of Your Appearance:
Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
19 - Learn Something New:
Develop a sense of curiosity. Learning is about growing. Try to learn a new hobby or a new skill or whatever is interesting to you. When you learn something new, you would feel better and more fulfilled.
20- Do Something Physical:
Get out of the house. Go for a walk. Clean out a closet. Visit the nature preserve. Go outdoor. Do some activities that keep you away from thinking all the time about yourself.
I know that you can change your self and have healthy self-esteem, but it is not as easy as I portrayed it. It will take time, and needs patience and determination on your part. However, if you take action today, right now, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results. The results may come easier and faster than you may think.
Good luck!
